January Newsletter 2014

Change  - PART 3

Let’s do it!

My desktop calendar says January 31st, so officially this is still a January newsletter!  Melbourne has put on a beautiful midsummer day, not scorching and not grey, and my feet are hitting the ground again after giving myself some real time off these holidays.  It is with pleasure that I sit at my desk, with a new pack of glitter pens and fresh vision, to write to you for the first time this year.

I am lucky that my work allows me to spend the holidays with my family, but sometimes, even with time off work we don’t really relax, do we?  This year, on the eve of departing for the beach, I reminded myself that paying for a holiday and then using the time to stress about the to-do-list or complete a big task, is false economy.  Holidays for your mind are so important and beginning the year after a real brain rest will, in the long run, be more efficient.

But now the year is under way and this is the time for action.  In Change Part 1 and 2 I asked if you wanted to change and what change may really look like for you.  After you have committed to change and developed a strong vision of what that will be like, you are ready for Part 3 - taking real steps to make change happen.  This may be where the fear comes up!  If this happens for you,  recall the things we spoke about previously, focussing on your meaning and purpose and staying in the moment.  Don’t let fear stop you, instead see it is an indicator that this is important and new.  Stepping straight into any fear, a little at a time, is actually liberating as we begin to receive some rewards from our actions and can see that that the changes are not scary but useful.

Breaking down your task in to small steps that are easy to achieve, will stop action from seeming overwhelming and let you change at a pace that suits you.  There is no need to worry about it being too slow, because change will be happening to you and around you as long as you are taking small steps each time.  Congratulate yourself at each action step and take a moment of reflection.  If these changes are really important to you then you will probably be learning a lot at this point, it’s ok to take some time to soak this learning up before you plan your next move.  This might be a good way to see it:

Note the upward spiral ( it’s meant to be going upward, forgive my drawing skills ) in the middle.  This means that every time you take an action and learn from it you have taken a step up.  Even if it has been difficult, you have learned something you didn’t like or you need adjust your path a bit - it is still a step up.  Self care and compassion is important here as you gather your courage and continue on.  Some of the main ingredients of resilience are self care, confidence and action - seeing the outcomes of our work builds a picture of ourselves as powerful agents.  The relapses, disappointments or setbacks are all necessary as we learn more and become stronger.  If you get stuck, sometimes any small positive action will be enough to get you back on the path.

So the main things to remember as you take action are:

• Make each action step small and do-able.
• Step into fear - it will diminish as you face it.
• Know that slow is ok at first, change will be happening all around you.
• Practice self-care while you are learning new things.
• Take time to reflect on what you have learned and adjust course any time you like.
• If you get stuck, reconnect to your purpose and inspiration.
• If in doubt - do one small thing.
• Celebrate each step.
• Keep going - and look back to see how far you have come.
• There is no change without action - vision and inspiration will only get you so far.
• Sometimes you just have to take a big breath and do it.

Over the year I will be looking at different techniques in more detail to create positive changes, especially those that unblock and release us from old habits.  I also look forward to sharing the changes that happen for me over the next 12 months - after all change is always happening so we may as well embrace it!

Enjoy your actions, 

Kind regards, 

Fiona Claire.

www.fionaclaire.net

Work with me: Individual Counselling, Creativity and Therapeutic Singing and Songwriting Sessions by appointment. Email: fionaclaire@optusnet.com.au or call 0437 985 132

November Newsletter 2013

Change  - PART 1

Do you want to change? 

When I was 30, I craved change.  Every part of my being was yearning for something else.  One afternoon, as a friend and I sat with our young kids playing at our feet, I delivered a meandering manifesto about wanting to do other things.  “But what? What other things do you want to do?”, she asked so logically and pointedly.

The truth is I did not know.  And I was afraid I may never have the answers.  All I felt was a yearning, a stuckedness and a need for things to be different.

Social scientists, business analysts and psychologists have studied human change in its many forms.  Controlling change is the key to improving behaviour and outcomes.

Here is a well known depiction of change:

This follows the stages a person may go through as they move from first noticing that a change for the better is required, to taking action, trying to sustain new habits and dealing with a likely return to old patterns.  What I like the most about it is the upward spiral in the middle.  I’m guessing that as you are reading this, you are probably past pre-contemplation and at least at the point of thinking things could be different.

What is not shown here is that there may be painful emotions and cognitive blocks that stop us from changing and keep us stuck, no matter how enthusiastic and ready for change we may be.  Mark Pearson  (Pearson, M., & Wilson, H. (2009). Using expressive arts to work with mind, body and emotions. Theory and practice. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.) writes about how expressing and releasing emotions in a safe and supported environment allows clearer thinking to occur and new self-awareness and knowledge to develop. Repressing and not acknowledging the emotions that are holding us back may mean we continue to stay stuck.  In fact, change may actually feel more like this:

That’s me and my heart in the boat, facing the waves of change.

Michael Rennie, the Managing Partner of McKinsey and Company ( NZ and Australia ) and cancer survivor gave a fantastic talk on change at the Creative Innovation Conference in 2010.  For me, Michael’s main points can be summarised thus:

• Humans resist change.  There is risk in doing things differently, a risk of being judged as different or crazy.  Humans have evolved to to seek and create stability and control.
• All innovation threatens what is in place. The status quo offers safety.
• We need drive to take the risk to push through this resistance to change.
• Meaning and Purpose fuels our drive – it is important to regularly connect with our meaning and purpose in order to persistently follow our new direction.

I especially like his focus on connecting to your meaning and purpose when you need the strength to persist and grow in spite of resistance.  There are many creative ways that we can discover and connect to our meaning and purpose, and I will outline more of these in newsletter to come.

If you feel the need for change, gather your resources and gather your strength, and remember these key things.

• Change is fundamental to life.  It’s happening all around you and by choosing to harness it you will be empowered rather simply reacting to your environment.
• Change can be incremental - it’s important to both be patient at times and to take time to acknowledge and celebrate when change has occured.  Even tiny persistent changes can lead to wonderful transformations.
• Change requires commitment.  There is no way around this one, you need to be brave and upfront about what you want to do.
• Change requires action.  These can be tiny steps, but the only way to crack through inertia is by consistent acts of defiance.
• Change is ongoing and never ending.  This is great news because we don’t need to be disheartened if we don’t wake up to a miracle.  Instead we can be assured that we are participating in an ongoing upward cycle of learning and growing.
• Change is supported by your own brain biology - neuroplasticity is real and it is your friend.
• Positive change requires self awareness and self knowledge - creative and expressive tools are wonderful ways to gain these.
• Last of all, change requires resources and you don’t have to do it alone!

Twelve years on, I am here to tell you that change did happen!  It was not what I expected, but it is so much more.  And now I am offering you my services as a counsellor, specialising in creativity and self expression to help you make the change you want in your life.

In the coming newsletters I will be exploring the ways that creativity, emotional release and support, mindfulness and action can help you to harness change and live your life more fully.  

But first try this Michael Rennie inspired exercise.

Ask yourself “What will change if I put my creative thought into action – what status quo will change?  Do I want to change?”

Choose a safe, quiet, supported space. Take a few moments to breathe deeply and listen to the small voice within. Break out the coloured pencils if you like, draw a picture or put on some gentle music and write down or voice record your thoughts.  Contemplate the question and explore what change will really be like for you.  Make sure you allow yourself plenty of time to reintegrate back in to the day after your contemplation.

I would love to hear if you tried this out or what stage of change you feel may be at.  Feel free to comment below or email me if you have further questions.

Happy little changes, 

Kind regards, 

Fiona Claire.

www.fionaclaire.net

Work with me: Individual Counselling, Creativity and Therapeutic Singing and Songwriting Sessions by appointment. Email: fionaclaire@optusnet.com.au or call 0437 985 132